Perhaps all that is needed is a bit of humility. After all, I can be a real piece of shit sometimes. Ungrateful. Impolite. Uptight. I don't do it on purpose. I just come across that way because I am deeply unhappy.

I do not really believe in New Year's resolutions. I can see why they are important to some people, as a new year is a symbolic representation of ideas such as a new chapter of life, an opportunity for a fresh start, a blank canvas.

I would like to propose an axiom. If a person does not have something, it is because they do not deserve it. This sounds harsh, perhaps. But what I mean is that if you deserve something in the strictest sense then you must also possess it as a matter of course. Otherwise, you have not earned it. Of course, it can feel that we are being unjustly deprived, not just of material possessions that we desire, but anything - relationships, peace, wellbeing - but this is an error in logic. We are not actually entitled to anything, not happiness, not love, nor peace. The supposedly inviolable constructs of human rights are violated in massive quantities on a daily basis and we are not confused by this; we know that human rights are a mere convention which we (the human species) mostly (ideally) mutually agree to respect. But they are not a law of the universe.

Unhappiness can be characterized as a lack of some kind - we feel bad when we feel inadequate in some respect, when we are not in possession of something that we feel would make us more whole. And with regards to these things we desire - either they are things that can potentially be gained by our own efforts, or they are unattainable. Some things are in a grey area, like relationships, since we are never guaranteed that other people will tolerate us enough to agree to spend time with us; but there are certainly things within our control that can increase our probability for attaining a mutually enjoyable relationship.

The point is that if we are unhappy, then we can feasibly interpret this as a feeling of entitlement for something which we have not earned. This is an uncomfortable truth (to the extent that it is true). It is often much more agreeable to be a victim of an arbitrary universe. If we are only the unwilling recipients of whatever suffering an uncaring universe bestows upon us, then it is not necessary to try to improve things, since the enterprise of living was doomed from the start, after all. But this strips us of all agency.

Why do most New Year's resolutions fail? I propose that it is entitlement. On the first day of a new year we might see many more people in the gym than on an average day. Then, we might see the numbers slowly dwindle down as January goes on, and then February, and by the time March hits we have probably reached an equilibrium. And that's being generous; most people probably quit within two or three weeks. What happened? It turns out that maintaining a gymgoing routine is difficult. It's incovenient, it takes time out of your day, and in the dreary cold days of January it's much nicer to stay at home and eat and drink and lie in bed. We feel that we ought to have a better physique, a leaner figure, but we feel that it is beneath us to submit to the intolerability for the requisite duration. And then we feel unhappy. Our saggy bodies weigh us down. Our sleep suffers. But we will try again next January, won't we! I'll be less busy then, I'm really busy with work and kids and all my other responsibilities. The cycle continues.

Do you know what feels better? Taking it into your own hands. I don't think it even really matters if you maintain the gym habit (to take this extended metaphor a bit further - fitness is a good example because it's a very pure form of effort in => results out). Do you want to quit? Fine. But if you don't work out, then it doesn't make any sense to feel unsatisfied with the way your body is, because the tools to change it are entirely within your reach, and it is only a matter of submitting to continual effort. Rather, if you feel unsatisfied with your body but you don't maintain healthy habits, this suggests that you are not taking complete ownership of your own situation.

This is where excuses come up. I know it, because in writing that I imagined a million things that could counter my point. "I live in a food desert." "My work situation makes it difficult for me to maintain a gym routine." Or any number of other things. Are these valid? Yes. But what are these thoughts actually doing for you? They are actively harming you by stripping you of your own agency. Actually, it isn't the excuses themselves that are bad. It's the implicit "...and that's why I can't do it." What if you instead looked for a way around the problem? "I live in a food desert, but I can still try to make the healthiest choice possible, even if it's not ideal, and I'll see if I can move to a better area eventually." Isn't that much better? "My work situation makes it difficult for me to maintain a gym routine, but I do what I can at home with some basic equipment I bought online, and I'll look into local gyms that have hours that will fit into my schedule."

What's the point here? I suppose it's that it is much, much better to have left everything on the table and failed than to have given up before you even really got started. Failure happens. It happens all the time and it doesn't feel good. But the hue of failure is changed by the knowledge that you really gave it a sincere, earnest effort. The only thing in life we are entitled to is our own efforts, our own will. Take responsibility for where you direct your efforts. This is simple, but very complicated. Your mind may not like it. If you have a victim mentality like I do then your mind is predisposed to make you think that your efforts are useless. And undoing it is hard, but I think it's worth it. And you don't have to work yourself to exhaustion to make your life better. Small changes accumulate.