I am not an alarmist, sounding a warning about how video games are corrupting the youth, or warping their minds, turning them violent. But I believe there is an argument that the pattern of behavior encapsulated in gaming, or any number of other activities, is potentially causing a number of people to avoid reaching their full potential. This is not any kind of moral statement. I don't care if people want to spend all day gaming, or be unemployed, or any other behavior that is generally going to be regarded as negative. However, I think that many people are like me, and intuitively sense that video games, or drugs/alcohol, or television, or pornography, are in some sense "blocking" them from reaching their "full potential", whatever that means for them, but don't know how to articulate it.

Escapism isn't inherently bad. I'd argue it's necessary, because it's very difficult to be a 100% efficient machine for 16 hours a day, and doing so takes an immense mental strain. At some point we all need to wind down and every human culture in history has had rituals to do so; you could even argue religion as a whole is a kind of "escapism" from the monotony and the grind of everyday life. Our modern rituals include watching movies, browsing the internet, and playing video games. So why are these unique? There is a term I'd like to introduce: supernormal stimulus. This concept has been a bit beaten to death, but it's important. A supernormal stimulus is something that our brain isn't equipped to deal with, or isn't prepared for, because it is much more powerful than anything we have evolved to encounter on a regular basis. Junk food, laden with salt and hypersweet corn syrup, is an example. So are video games (or at least, they can be), which is what I'm focusing on here, since I have a lot of experience with them, and I've recognized patterns in my own behavior with them.

I love games, truly. Too much. I love the competitive spirit, the endless worlds to explore, and the rush I get when I'm grinding for better loot. But I know, intuitively, that I'm not accomplishing anything of lasting value in my life. It's not that games can't create valuable moments, or that I judge people who value games as an important part of their life. If that's you: go for it. But I don't value games like that. I've realized that when I'm playing video games, I'm simply engaging in pure escapism, the same way I am if I were to do cocaine. No, I don't think it's an exaggeration. The severity of a cocaine addiction might be worse than playing video games, but the underlying pattern is the same. You can be addicted to anything.

So I know games are bad for me, and I can't play them in moderation, because I know my use will always escalate. So I try to quit. And when I stop, I feel emptiness. I no longer have easy access to those awesome feelings. That emptiness pushes me to play more games. But what does the feeling actually represent? My mind is telling me to play games so that I can feel those things again, the feeling of progress, of mastery. But my brain is stupid, and it can't differentiate between activities which actually have a positive impact on my life, and activities that don't, but feel good.

My brain wants short-term gratification. I've been diagnosed with ADHD - I have more to say about that, and the relationship between ADHD and addiction, it's a bit of a chicken and egg problem in my estimation - so I have a predisposition for these kinds of addictions. But whatever you want to call it, it's a real problem that affects a huge number of people.

My conclusion here is essentially that if you find yourself in this kind of situation - with any activity, or substance, not just gaming - cutting it off is probably best. Moderation sounds nice but if you're like me, and have an addictive tendency, then moderation will always escalate. This isn't for the kind of person who plays Smash Bros or Mariokart with friends a few times a month, or even the person who plays Stardew Valley for an hour in the evening. This is for the person who, if they were allowed to, would play Counter-Strike for 10 hours a day, instead of going to work. And that's me. The feeling you're chasing with that kind of behavior - it's illusory, and insidious, because a video game can't ever be truly fulfilling. The feeling of satisfaction is inherently artificial, digital. If you want to say, "well, if you like it, then what's the problem? It's just like any other hobby." It isn't. If I'm addicted to going to the gym, it isn't a problem. I suppose there is some hypothetical extreme where I'm skipping work to go to the gym. But the point is, there is a fundamental physical limit on working out, and there is a tangible gain associated with the activity. There is nothing tangible you can gain from gaming (at least, gaming in the fashion that I'm describing here.) The difference I'm trying to articulate is that there are some "hobbies" that can eat into the rest of your life, and make it worse. Having a meth habit is, technically, a kind of hobby.

So, I'm going to try to stop gaming for some time. I'll try not to make too many other major behavioral changes for a while, as I've heard when you're quitting something, it's best to just quit one thing at a time rather than attempting to make some huge lifestyle change. I may write a bit more about my experience, if I remember to.